Catalyst Issue #2

Choices and Consequences

Physics 101 – “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Sir Isaac Newton

Philosophy 101 – “for every choice there is a consequence.” (Extrapolation of Newton’s Third Law of Physics

Recently, I was watching a group of two-year-olds play and I was struck by the unabashed freedom of their actions. There was an abandon about them that was refreshing – no fear, absolutely no fear! There was only curiosity, exploration, energy, and pure joy emanating from them. I began to contemplate what happens to us as we get older - how we lose the curiosity, exploration, abandon, and pure joy.

When we begin to discover who we are as children, we learn about choices. We learn that our choices have consequences. There are pleasant consequences when we choose to do what we are told, for example, pick up our toys. There are painful consequences if we choose not to do what we are told, like cross the street without holding our parent’s hand. That seems reasonable, right?

Unfortunately, what usually goes along with a consequence is a label. And the label is about the choice being good/bad/right/wrong. And that label also attaches itself to the person. “Johnny, what a good boy you are for picking up your toys! Johnny you are a bad boy for not holding my hand! “ It is in these exchanges we learn that the consequences of our actions – our choices -- make us good/bad/right/wrong. Our self-worth is predicated on the choice we make – we become good/bad/right/wrong instead of the choice merely carrying a set of consequences.

This has a profound effect on our emotional growth. For many of us, the sweet abandon of childhood was reined in by a need to “do it right” because we didn’t want to be “bad” boys and girls. We became less willing to test limits, assert ourselves, and fulfill the unlimited potential of our being in order to fit the good girl/boy mode. The opposite could also be true; we decided we were “bad” so we acted accordingly!

Now, we absolutely must understand at a very early age that our choices have consequences; and that when we make certain choices, those consequences may be painful. However, making our value as a human being synonymous with our choices can limit our willingness to risk, take the big jump, or move into something totally out of the box -- to become what it is that we really want to become and do what we really want to do.

Break out of the Box!

So, this box we have built is the sum total of the litany of judgments we have placed on ourselves as a result of the consequences we have experienced. The power to change our life experience comes from dismantling this box, and the tool we use to do this is powerful choice making.

Powerful Choices

It is through powerful, conscious choice making that we can begin to discover and fulfill our life purpose in a significant way, no matter what our age.

Let’s look at a way to move into a paradigm of powerful choice making.

1. At the beginning of your day, make a commitment to become more aware of the choices you make. Part of this process is noticing that everything we do is a choice – from deciding to get out of bed in the morning to what time we choose to retire at night.
   
   Notice also, how you do what you do. For example, how do you get out of bed? Do you infuse gratitude into your morning ritual – happy that you have warm water with which to wash and breakfast food to eat?
   
   No matter what our routine may be, we can choose to do it from a place of joy – or not. This single choice – how we get up in the morning – will have consequences that show up during our day.
   
   Use this process of becoming aware of your choices for a week. It is amazing how our perception of life changes when we come from the perspective that we are at choice!
   
   Remember, awareness is the first step toward making any change in your life.
   
   
2. As you begin to become aware of your choices, observe the consequences. Just NOTE them.
   
   For those choices that bring about less than optimal (from your standpoint) consequences, don’t judge, berate or otherwise get into conversation around the choice you have made. This takes practice. We have all spent a great deal of time fine-tuning our own inner critic, so be gentle with yourself as you begin this observation process.
   
   For those choices that bring about optimal (from your standpoint) consequences, don’t judge them either. Praise and blame reside on the same coin.
   
   This means that you totally accept AND EMBRACE any consequences of your choice. You live that choice with the certainty that whatever you chose in the moment was the best choice you could make with the knowledge and wisdom at your disposal. That’s all, no judgment, just discernment! 

This change in perception of choices and consequences allows us to come from a position of power. We are not labeling ourselves as right/wrong/good/bad. The little kid inside each of us is not taking a beating for making a ‘wrong choice. ’ We stand fully in our adulthood, accepting responsibility for our choices, living with and learning from, the consequences.

It is from this place that we begin to make choices more in alignment with our deepest desires. It is from this place that we are able to step out of the box and experience the life we want to create.

This practice is an on-going unfoldment of life experience, and the transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It takes great courage to own all of our choices and their consequences.

Often we get stuck in the process and it is difficult to see where we are or what’s next. This is the purview of transformational coaching—providing the support in moving more completely into that place where we are consistently making choices that assist our own unfoldment and getting what it is that we desire from life.

I think this quote from Path with Heart by Jack Kornfeld sums it up nicely:

“Life is a test, it’s only a test. If it wasn’t, it would have come with a rule book.”

Until next time,

Pat